It's called choking for a reason

Yesterday in class i was last to go. there really wasn't enough time left, i shouldn't have performed. i wasn't prepared enough.

I picked a comedic monologue the night before. i wanted to say the lines really fast and expressively, but i didn't practice enough.

my slow pace and thought process really made it more dramatic, not comedic. my teacher said it really was a great monologue choice, so that's good (for dramatic piece).

but it was an EPIC FAIL.

Lines are the air you breathe. without them, you choke. you break character. you break the truth of it all. lines have to be SO natural to you that you can pull them out of your ass at any moment if you need to. Leighton Meester is great at this as Blair on Gossip Girl, says her lines sooo fast and natural. really, i was so critical of myself for bein slow and needing help with the last lines and stanzas. POOP.

there wasn't enough time for the teach & class to critique, so i shouldn't have even gone. UGH. i did not like that. whateva kiyum.

but it was a lil bittersweet. to know this priority of memorization and preparation. to perform, you've got to be thinkin this all the time.

Comedic monologue i performed (only to find out after that it's not really comedic)
Luv by Murray Schisgal
p29-30
ELLEN: I was lonely, Harry; I was always lonely.

There was no one for me to talk with, or share things with. 

I couldn’t make friends because I never stayed in one place long enough.

I went deeper and deeper inside of myself.

I read and fantasized and was far too bright for my age.

On the one hand I possessed a cold calculating mind; 

it was sharp as a razor, incisive, penetrating.

Men were afraid of me.

They were afraid of my mind, my power of analysis, 

my photographic memory.

They wouldn’t discuss things with me.

They became resentful and standoffish and 

avoided me because I was a threat to 

their feelings of masculine superiority.

You see, on the other hand, 

on the other hand, Harry. I was a woman, 

a woman who wanted to be loved, 

who wanted to have children, 

who wanted all the common dreary horrible middle-class things… 

things that every other woman takes for granted.

I willingly succumbed to biology and sociological necessity. 

I willingly confessed my womanhood.

But how do I bridge the gap?

I didn’t ask for universal education.

Why was I educated, Harry if I’m 

compelled to live this fractured existence?

You say love and yes, what about love?

You know nothing about women, Harry.

For a woman to have never known love isn’t tragic. 

The dream is still there. The dream…

She needs that more than she does the reality.

But to have love become a shabby cynical emotion… 

To watch it change into pettiness and hate…

That’s what destroys her.

She loses her dream and…

It makes an animal of her, a vicious little creature 

who only thinks of scratching and biting and getting revenge. 

Comedic monologue i plan on practicing really well and performing instead of the latter:

Luv by Murray Schisgal

p. 48

ELLEN: You talk about misery! Ha!

That makes me laugh. Misery!

You can’t imagine how it’s been.

He… Who is he? What is he?

Why didn’t you shake me by the shoulders and slap my face and… do anything to stop me.

He… He isn’t human, Milt. That man…

He lays in the corner of the living room, rocking on his back, wearing a paperbag on his head, yes a paperbag, mumbling and groaning hour after hour…

I have to feed him, wash him… I can’t tell you everything. I’m too ashamed.

That’s what my marriage to Harry Berlin has been like.

And you wonder why I continue with it.

Ask me what I believe in, Milt.

I believe in marriage, Milt.

I believe in a man coming home at five o’clock with a newspaper rolled under his arm and a silly grin on his face and shouting, “What’s for dinner, hon?”

I believe in the smell of talcum powder and dirty diapers and getting up in the middle of the night to warm the baby’s bottle.

I can’t help it. I’m made that way.

But why did they teach me trigonometry and bio-chemistry and paleontology?

Why did they so sharpen my intellect that I find it impossible to live with a man?

I’ll never forgive the Board of Education for that. Never.